Officer Efficiency and Fitness
(page last updated 30/08/98).
Actual lines out of U.S. Military OERs (Officer Efficiency Report)
- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
- Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
- A room temperature IQ.
- Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
- A prime candidate for natural deselection.
- Bright as Alaska in December.
- Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming
- So dense, light bends around him.
- If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
- If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
- Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
- Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
Actual excerpts from Royal Navy and Marines officer fitness reports
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
- I would not breed from this officer.
- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
- Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
- He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
- This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
Robert Chasmer -
(C) KAOS 1995-2000.