The big plop list
(page last updated 25/06/98).
The ghost plop
The kind where you feel plop come out, see plop on the toilet paper, but there's no plop in the bowl.
The clean plop
The kind where you feel plop come out, see plop in the bowl, but there's no plop on the toilet paper.
The wet plop
You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.
The second wave plop
This plop happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to plop some more.
The brain hemorrhage through your nose plop
Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead plop". You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.
The corn plop
No explanation necessary.
The lincoln log plop
The kind of plop that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.
The nororius drinker plop
The kind of plop you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.
The "Gee, I really wish I could plop" plop-
The kind where you want to plop, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.
The wet cheeks plop
Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.
The liquid plop
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.
The mexican food plop
A class all its own.
The crowd pleaser
This plop is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
The mood enhancer
This plop occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.
This plop occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
The guinness book of records plop
A plop so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.
The aftershock plop
This plop has an odor so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.
The "Honeymoon's over" plop
This is any plop created in the presence of another person.
A plop so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.
Characterized by its floatability, this plop has been known to resurface after many flushings.
A plop which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.
The phantom plop
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.
The peek-a-boo plop
Now you see it, now you don't. This plop is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.
A plop that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to plop (i.e. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near ploping facilities.
The snake charmer
A long skinny plop which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.
The olympic plop
This plop occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered, and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's plop.
The back-to-nature plop
This plop may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.
The pebbles-from-heaven plop
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually CAN'T plop.
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
Fear of plopting - can be fatal!
Energizer vs Duracell plop
Also known as a "Still Going" plop.
The power dump plop
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done.
The liquid plumber plop
This kind of plop is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log plop.)
The spinal tap plop
The kind of plop that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.
The "I think i'm giving birth through my asshole" plop
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spincal Tap plops. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.
The porridge plop
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.
The "I'm going to chew my food better" plop
When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.
The "I think I'm turning into a bunny" plop
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.
The "What the hell died in here?" plop
Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.
The "I just know there's a turd still dangling there" plop
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.
Robert Chasmer -
(C) KAOS 95-97.