More facts about Marriage

(page last updated 30/08/98).

1. When the preacher says "For better or worse" it means the groom could do better and the wife couldn't do worse.

2. The wedding cake, is the only cake which, once eaten, can give you indigestion for the rest of your life.

3. "Are you a friend of the groom ?" "Of course not. I'm the brides mother".

4. I would never buy an encyclopedia..... My wife knows everything.

5. I'd like to buy some flowers for the woman I love......but my wife wont let me.

6. I'll never forget our wedding......I've tried, but my wife wont let me.

7. I'm a married man and I can't ask for a better wife......but I would like to.

8. "Does your wife miss you much"......"No, she throws remarkably straight for a woman".

9. "What's the first thing your wife does when she gets up in the morning ?
   "......"She sharpens her tongue".

10. "Why are you late home?"......"Stop me honey if you've heard this one".

11. "Waiter, my wife just dropped dead"......"Chef, is there something wrong with the mushrooms ?".

12. "What makes you think your wife is getting tired of you ?"
    "She keeps packing my lunch in roadmaps".

13. No Woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.

14. When a woman is looking for a husband, she is either single or married.

15. The only woman who can make me wish to be single again, is my wife.

16. No woman makes a fool out of a man, she only directs the performance.

17. There are two ways to handle a woman..............and both are wrong.

18. Give a woman an inch......................and she thinks she is a ruler.

19. The upkeep of women, is the downfall of men.

20. There are three kinds of women. The intelligent, the beautiful and the majority.

21. A truthful woman, is one who wont lie about anything except her age, her weight and her husbands salary.

22. Running after women never hurt anybody, it's the catching that does the damage.

23. There are two kinds of women, the kind you dream about and the kind you marry.

24. There is only one bad woman in the world and every husband thinks she is his wife.

25. The reason that so many women aged 40, have so many aches and pains, is because most of them are over fifty.

26. There are only two men in the world that understand women. One is dead and the other is crazy.

27. "Which would you rather give up, wine or women ?" "It depends on the vintage".

28. "I heard that they can now make bread out of potatoes" "That's nothing. Women can make monkeys out of men".

29. "If you don't like the way women drive......get off of the sidewalk.

30. After a woman parks her car..........she has only a short walk to the sidewalk.

31. After a woman parks her car........she has to decide which of the two meters to use.

32. When two cars are double parked......the one parked by a woman, is the one on top.

33. She has been stopped so often by traffic cops......that they finally gave her a season ticket.

34. Women make excellent drivers......They only have trouble with starting, stopping, turning and parking.