Facts about Marriage

(page last updated 30/08/98).
  1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

  2. Marriage is a three ring circus:
    engagement ring
    wedding ring

  3. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
    After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.

  4. When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
    When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

  5. My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
    So I got two girlfriends.

  6. A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

  7. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
    They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

  8. How do most men define marriage?
    A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

  9. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

  10. A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here."

  11. A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

  12. Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

  13. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

  14. Her husband has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad luck!"

  15. First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
    Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

  16. Marriage is grand-and divorce is about 50 grand.

  17. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

  18. A man rushed home from work and exclaimed to his wife,"Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!" The wife excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?" He says, "Pack'em all, and get the hell out!"

  19. A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled, "It really works!"

  20. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish ...

Jokes Index Robert Chasmer - (C) KAOS 1995-2000.