Actual insurance claim forms
(page last updated 30/08/98).
These are NEW (mostly), and are the collection made by Norwich Union
for their annual Christmas mag.... but ... they`ve escaped.
- "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I
- "A car drove away at speed catching our client who went up in
the air and his head went through the windscreen and then rolled off at the
traffic lights a good few feet away. The car then sped off and miraculously
our client remained conscious and managed to cross the road."
- "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the
bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with
- Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
A: Travelled by bus?
- A Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and
answers on the claim form were:
Q - What warning was given by you?
A - Horn
Q - What warning was given by the other party?
A - Moo
- "I had one eye on a parked car, another on approaching lorries,
and another on the woman behind".
- "I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel
and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose
concentration and hit a bollard."
- "On the M6 I moved from the centre lane to the fast lane but
the other car didn't give way."
- "On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly
- "Three men approached me from the minibus. I thought they were
coming to apologise. Two of the men grabbed hold of me by the arms, and the
first slapped me several times across the face. I Knee'd the man in the
groin, but didn't connect properly, so I kicked him in the shin."
- "I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the
pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
- "I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"
- "I was on my way to see an unconscious patient who had
convulsions and was blocked by a tanker."
- "Mr. X is in hospital and says I can use his car and take his
wife while he is there. What shall I do about it?"
- "No witnesses would admit having seen the mishap until after it
- "I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not
have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."
- Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a
A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry
- "First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a
haggis ran into the rear of second car."
- "Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."
- "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him
- "We had completed the turn and had just straightened the car
when Miss X put her foot down hard and headed for the ladies' loo."
- "I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the
wheel and had an accident.
- I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law
and headed over the embankment."
- "Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a
tree I don't have."
- "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its
- "I thought my window was down, but I found out it wasn't when I
put my head through it".
- "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way".
- "A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's
- "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car".
- "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of
times before I hit him."
- "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone
- "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home.
As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did
not see the other car."
- "I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my
universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
- "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the
- "My car was legally parked as it backed into the other
- "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and
- "I am sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side
of the road when I struck him."
- "The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over
- "I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced
off the roof of my car."
- "The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small
car with a big mouth."
- "I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later
found in a ditch by some stray cows."
Robert Chasmer -
(C) KAOS 1995-2000.