Footbal Quotes

(page last updated 30/08/98).

• "I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs."
  - Andy Gray, Sky Sport

• Richard Keys: "Well Roy, do you think that you'll have to finish above Manchester United to win the league?"
  Roy Evans: "You have to finish above everyone to win the league"
  Richard: " "

• "It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday."
  - Radio 5 Live

• "Football today, it's like a game of chess. It's all about money."
  - Newcastle United Fan, Radio 5 Live

• "I'm not a believer in luck but I do believe you need it."
  - Alan Ball

• "Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I'm sure today's won't be any different."
  - Trevor Brooking

• "Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead"
  - Tom Ferrie

• "And I honestly believe we can go all the way to Wembley unless somebody knocks us out."
  - Dave Bassett

• "And Arsenal now have plenty of time to dictate the last few seconds."
  - Peter Jones

• "What makes this game so delightful is that when both teams get the ball they are attacking their opponents goal."
  - Jimmy Hill

• "Newcastle, of course, unbeaten in their last five wins."
  - Brian Moore

• "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
  - David Ackfield

• "What I said to them at half time would be unprintable on the radio."
  - Gerry Francis

• "If there weren't such a thing as football, we'd all be frustrated footballers."
  - Mick Lyons

• "He's one of those footballers whose brains are in his head."
  - Derek Johnstone, BBC TV Scotland, 1994

• "I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."
  - Stuart Pearce, 1992

• Jimmy Hill: "Don't sit on the fence Terry, what chance do you think Germany has got of getting through?"
  Terry Venables: "I think it's fifty-fifty"

• "There's nobody fitter at his age, except maybe Raquel Welch"
  - Ron Atkinson lauds Gordon Strachan, 39

• "If I walked on water, my accusers would say it is because I can't swim."
  - Berti Vogts, Germany coach

• "You don't have to have been a horse to be a jockey."
  - Arrigo Sacchi, Italy coach, defending a meagre playing record

• "The only way we will be going to Europe is if the club splash out and take us all to Eurodisney."
  - Dean Holdsworth, Wimbledon

• "If the players want to make it hard for me, I am happy to make it twice as hard for them."
  - Wendy Toms, the first female referee to officiate in a professional game

• "I think having Wasps around here as well gives us that little buzz around the place."
  - Ray Wilkins on the QPR-Wasps groundshare

• "It took a lot of bottle for Tony to own up."
  - Ian Wright on the Arsenal captain's confession to alcoholism

Yet more footbal quotes

• "Two Andy Gorams, there's only two Andy Gorams..." - Kilmarnock fans to the Rangers keeper after he had been diagnosed with mild schizophrenia.

• I've told the players we need to win so that I can have the cash to buy some new ones"
  - Chris Turner, Peterborough manager, before LC QF, 1992.

• "Tell the Kraut to get his ass up front. We don't pay a million for a guy to hang around in defence."
  - NY Cosmos executive, on Beckenbauer's positioning.

• "I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered" George Best.

• "If we played like that every week we wouldn't be so inconsistent"
  - Bryan Robson, Man U, 1990.

• "That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on."
  - John Lambie, Partick Thistle manager, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was.

• "If you can't stand the heat in the dressing-room, get out of the kitchen."
  - TERRY VENABLES, Capital Gold

• The crowd think that Todd handled the ball they must have seen something that nobody else did
  - Barry Davies (1975)

• Manchester United take more in programme sales than we take on the gate
  - Lawrie McMenemy, Southampton

• Love is good for footballers, as long as it is not at half-time Richard Moller Nielsen, Denmark coach

• I was about to say, before something far more interesting interrupted
  - John Motson, France v Bulgaria

• Why didn't you just belt it son? - Gareth Southgate's mother reflects publicly on her son's penalty miss.

• I was shocked when I was first introduced to the fans because they brought out a sheep, cut its head off and then smeared blood over my forehead - Manchester United's Ronnie Johnsen on life with Besiktas, Turkey.

• The score is Sunderland nil, Leicester nil, the temperature is nil and the entertainment value is not much above nil
  - Sunderland v Leicester, Radio 5 Live

• This is an unusual Scotland side because they have good players
  - praise for the Under-21s from Javier Clemente, Spain's coach

• There are some great defenders here, I just don't know their names
  - David Ginola of Newcastle and France

• It's sod's law. Now I've got time to improve my golf, it's the wrong time of year
  - Howard Wilkinson when sacked by Leeds

• I know where he should have put his flag up, and he'd have got plenty of help
  - Ron Atkinson at Stamford Bridge

• The referee was booking everyone. I thought he was filling in his lottery numbers
  - Ian Wright

• "Asking Ruud Gullit to perform in this sort of match is like asking Kiri te Kanawa to jam with the Spice Girls"
  - 5 Live's Pat Murphy on the lousy pitch at Derby and the ill-tempered nature of the game

World Cup 98 quotes

• "Pires has got something about him, he can go both ways depending on who's facing him" - David Pleat

• "Batistuta gets most of his goals with the ball" - Ian St John

• "The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the game" - Kevin Keegan

• "Moreano thought that the full back was gonna come up behind and give him one really hard" - Big Ron

• "Adams is stretching himself, looking for Seaman" - Brian Moore

• "I wouldn't be surprised if this game went all the way to the finish" - Ian St John

• "Apart from their goals, Norway haven't scored" - Terry Venables

• "The Croatians don't play well without the ball" - Barry Venison

• "It had to go in, but it didn't" - Peter Drury

• "That's lifted the crowd up into the air" - Barry Davies

• "He never fails to hit the target. But that was a miss." -Bobby Robson

• "Batistuta is very good at pulling off defenders" - Kevin Keegan

More Kevin Keegan (retired footballer/active TV audience annoyer) specials

• "Only one team can win this game....and that team is England", followed by Brian Moore "But wait a minute, here's Dan Petrescu...................."

• "Chile have three options - they could win or they could lose"

• "That would have been a goal if the goalkeeper hadn't saved it"

• "I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's completely different"

• "A tremendous strike which hit the defender full on the arm - and it nearly came off"

Some Big Rons

• "Zidane is not very happy, because he's suffering from the wind"

• "He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces"

• "They've picked their heads up off the ground and they now have a lot to carry on their shoulders"

• "Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw"

• "He sliced the ball when he had it on a plate"

• "I'm afraid they've left their legs at home"