"WOMAN" A Chemical Analysis

(page last updated 30/08/98).



Element         :  Woman
Chemical symbol :  Wo
Discoverer      :  Adam
Atomic mass     :  Accepted as 53.6 kg but may vary from 40 to 200 kg
Occurrence      :  Copious quantities in all urban areas 

Physical Properties

  1. Surface usually covered with painted film
  2. Boils at various temperatures
  3. Freezes for no known reason
  4. Melts if given special treatment
  5. Bitter if incorrectly used
  6. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore
  7. Yields to pressure applied to correct points

Chemical Properties

  1. Has great affinity with gold, silver, platinum and precious stones
  2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
  3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason
  4. Insoluble in liquids but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol
  5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

Common Uses

  1. Mainly ornamental
  2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
  3. Very effective cleaning agent
  4. Excellent application for all domestic areas


  1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when found in natural state
  2. Turns green when placed next to a better specimen

Potential Hazards

  1. Highly dangerous, except in experienced hands
  2. Illegal possess more than one example of the substance, although several can be maintained in different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other

Jokes Index Robert Chasmer - (C) KAOS 1995-2000.