I wanna job
(page last updated 30/08/98).
In case you're thinking of applying for a new job...
These are taken from real CVs and cover letters and were printed in
the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine:
- "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience"
- "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6 computor and spreasheet
- "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year"
- "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave"
- "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial
- "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades"
- "It's best for employers that I not work with people"
- "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience"
- "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time"
- "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details"
- "I was working for my mom until she decided to move"
- "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No
- "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse"
- "I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to
respond to my resume on my office voice mail"
- "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one
and absolutely nothing"
- "My goal is to be a meteorologist, but since I possess no
training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage"
- "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant"
- "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so
- "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing
- "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain
- "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping', I
have never quit a job"
- "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees
get to work by 8:45 am every morning, I couldn't work under those
- "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous
- "References: none, I've left a path of destruction behind me"
Robert Chasmer -
(C) KAOS 1995-2000.