(page last updated 25/06/98).
There was a young fellow from Kent
Whose dick in the middle was bent.
To save himself trouble,
He put it in double,
And instead of coming, he went.
A certain young girl from Bel Aire
Once carefully braided the hair
All over her crotch,
Letting nobody watch,
And the gentlemen thought it unfair.
A couple who lived in Montclair
Liked to make love on the stair.
On the forty-fourth stroke,
The bannister broke,
And their son was conceived in midair.
There was an old man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."
There once was an old man named Dave,
who kept a dead whore in his Cave.
She was missing one tit,
and smelled like Shit.
But think of the money he saved.
A man by the name of McWhirter
asked his girlfriend if intercourse hurt her.
She replied "Sometimes Tommy
when its big, like salami
but not with your little frankfurter."
There once was a fellow named Gene
who invented a fucking machine.
Concave and convex
it could please either sex
and it played with itself in between.
There once was a lady from Leeds
Who swallowed a package of seeds.
Great sprouts of grass
grew out of her ass,
And her cunt was all covered with weeds.
There once was a woman from Wheeling,
Who had no sexual feeling
'Til a man named Boris
Rubbed her clitoris
Now they're scraping her off of the ceiling.
A woman from North Carolina
Strung fiddle strings 'cross her vagina.
With proper-sized cocks,
What was sex became Bach's
Toccata and Fugue in D Minor.
Robert Chasmer -
(C) KAOS 95-97.